Motherhood - A working title

Update

2008-02-25T17:44:00.000-08:00

It's been forever...I'm not sure I'm cut out for this blogging thing, it's too time consuming. I should actually be dealing with a pile of paperwork right now, but really, it's been over three months since I've posted.

What's new...

Mom got a clean bill of health today. What a relief! 11 months as a cancer patient, with surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, but now she's done! To celebrate she's coming up here for a few days, we're excited about that.

Caroline is getting lots of teeth, three since Friday. I find this exciting, not sure why, but each new tooth feels like magical discovery. It also explains the crankiness that preceds it.

We've enjoyed the snow, did lots of sledding. I'll have to post some photos in due course. Hope to get away to VT for some skiing before the season ends too.

About to embark on some renovations which is exciting but scary. Kitchen replaced, and other walls coming down. I think we'll vacate for the demo phase, I can't stand to be here for that with Caroline and Moxie. But we'll just wait and see.

That's about it for now. I'll try to update more frequently.

Photos from Thanksgiving

2007-11-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

Tooth woes

2007-11-29T10:17:00.000-08:00

Another rite of passage...a root canal. Had my first one today. These are things my parents have done. But now I too have entered the realm of multiple dental appointments and thousands of dollars spent on preserving those pearly whites. The brochure the dentist gave me said teeth are meant to last a lifetime. If that's the case, then why do they all start rotting away and needing so much work to save them? I think teeth were designed back when our lifetime was much shorter. Oh well, once my tooth is finished being reconstructed, it's just about guaranteed to last the rest of my lifetime, lucky me! Thing is, my mouth hurts more right now than it did before he started poking and prodding. Good thing we're going to a wine tasting tonight, hopefully that'll help numb the pain.

On a more exciting mommy note, Caroline just went down for her nap without screaming for close to an hour. In fact, she fussed for less than 5 minutes and remained horizontal while doing so. This is HUGE! Now that it's getting cold out I can' t leave her to freeze in the car for naps, so I knew I'd have to conquer this, and seems we've almost done it. This will be a great help to me and anyone who watches her. I figure I now have an hour and a half to myself, wow! Huge! I guess I'll work on the holiday card and maybe order some Christmas presents. I could work on my resume, but I think that will wait until a day when I have less tooth pain. Okay, so now I'm nervous because Caroline went down so easily that I want to go check on her...she's fine, chest is rising and falling nicely. Neurotic? slightly perhaps but I know lots of us mommies do this, daddies too....

Going to go do some work of some sort.

I've posted some fall photos of Caroline since I've finally discovered how to do this. Enjoy...

What does the cow say?

2007-11-18T15:53:00.000-08:00

Today, Caroline responded to this question for the first time! It was such an exciting moment. Jamie and I were shopping in Babystyle, a trendy baby clothing and toy store in the Westchester mall. There was a large cuddly cow that I showed to Caroline, and then, like a programmed robot, I said, "and what does the cow say...moo" I always answer because until now, she hasn't. Then she looked up, not at either of us, but just up from whatever she was doing, and said "mmmmm" which sure seemed like her version of moo. I looked across the store to Jamie who looked back at me and we nodded, it was her version of moo! How exciting! The store was too crowded for us to really get excited, but once we were out on the veranda, we asked her again, and again she said "mmm..." It just warmed my heart. I have had to refrain from asking her repeatedly for the rest of the day, but we have practiced several times since the Mall.... I guess there's something about The Westchester Mall for us, it is where I discovered Caroline's first tooth as well. Perhaps her first sentance will be formed there too, no doubt something like, "I want that!"

We had a great weekend, just being a family, doing things together without any stress. Yesterday we spent a long time browsing the aisles at Wild Oats in Norwalk, getting all sorts of yummy organic food for all of us. And we met Michelle, our new babysitter, who will watch Caroline on the occasional Friday or Saturday night that we go out. Today was the Westchester where Jamie and I each managed to find some new shoes, and we got Caroline a Thanksgiving dress and a few holiday gifts. It was probably the longest Jamie and I have spent inside a mall shopping, ever. We're not really shoppers. I wish I were, there are so many nice clothes, and shoes, and lotions and potions but I just never have the energy to look through it all, not before Caroline or after. But it's fun to look.

Hard to believe Thanksgiving is in a few days. I'm grateful to have a year off from hosting it. It's allowing me the energy to focus on Christmas. Although we haven't done much, but at least I'm thinking about it. This year we will head to Rhinebeck NY to stay at an Inn and dine at my father's first cousin's home with her family. My first cousins will be there too, so it'll be a fun chance to connect with lots of family, and provide a mini-vacation too.

One of these days I'll figure out how to post photos of Caroline, but honestly I dont' have any new ones to post. This is one of my holiday weekend goals. we'll see...

Dinner is almost ready, so I should sign off for now....

Oh, what a beautiful morning...

2007-11-17T04:33:00.001-08:00

Caroline slept until 645AM! And I went to bed long before midnight! (I actually fell asleep while watching Ocean's 13 with Jamie). Nothing like a solid nights sleep to start your Saturday off right. Of course, since Caroline slept well, Moxie decided she'd wake us in the night for a peepee outing. Luckily I remained groggy enough to go right back to sleep and Jamie let her out.

Yesterday Caroline and I had a quite day mostly at home, getting things done. We'd had a very social week which is always lots of fun but meant I didn't have a chance to tend to paperwork and phoning. We had the carpets on our stairs cleaned which is always such a good feeling, but it meant I was sequestered to the main floor of the house (an excuse not to do laundry!). But there was plenty to do downstairs, which included a 20 min nap while Caroline was asleep in the car. I had attempted to go meet some mommies at the mall, but as soon as I got over the bridge and on to 95, Caroline was out. so home we came.

I am back in to cooking which is lots of fun. Yesterday I decided I'd make some carrot ginger soup. (I have a 10lb bag of organic carrots I purchased at Costco a few weeks ago). It was so easy! I threw everything in the crock pot and let it cook for several hours. And then this morning I just blended it all and voila! I have two quarts of yummy soup, or at least I hope it's yummy. I tend to stray from the recipe a little, blending two or adding a little of this or that. So we'll see. I stayed on course for the most part, I just added one small potato to thicken the soup a little and make it a bit more substantial since carrots and onions by themselves are not a very filling meal.

Now it is 745AM, and Jamie will soon be done with his therapeutic massage in Westport. I discovered this wonderful Thai man named Samsok (actually Angela told us about him). I sent Jamie once as a birthday present and now he's hooked. Anyway, I don't mind because he'll stop and get me a yummy latte from Starbucks on the way home...I can't wait! Later today we're meeting a new babysitter for weekend nights, which is SO EXCITING! and then perhaps some holiday shopping. I think tonight I might make some chili, since I'm on this kick now. We'll see...

time to go change a morning diaper...not so fun, but easier to do on a full nights sleep : )

2007-11-14T17:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been awhile, and I don't know if I really have anything of much interest to write about. Minor successes for me and our family and motherhood...

I found a new pediatrician for Caroline whom I really like. I guess "the third times a charm", as they say. She's a young mother herself and her entire practice prides itself on "taking time to listen and getting to know the patient". I found this to be true in my "Meet the Doc" appointment yesterday. She answered all my questions about the vaccines and helped me feel better about the choices I'm making. Perhaps my resistance to the shots has been an unconcious knowledge that the vaccines with egg derivitive in them might be troublesome for Caroline, who knows? Either way, she's happy to help me sort it out, without being too extreme in either direction. I left feeling heard and supported and comfortable calling with any questions I might have.

Today I made dinner. Yes, you read correctly, I cooked. This is a big deal because as of late (since Caroline's birth) I have not really been cooking. So tonight we had chicken curry. Chicken no less, that I actually cut raw and then had to wash and scrub every fingernail, utensil, countertop and cutting board to make sure no GERMS were left. So far we're all okay, so I guess that's a good sign. The meal was edible, but not fabulous, but I guess we all must start somewhere. It was certainly probably healthier than take out from the Thai restaurant. But I fixed that with a hearty portion of chocolate after dinner. I don't know if I could ever kick that habit.

Caroline is finally asleep after much protest. Nursing won out as the means for falling asleep. I am hoping that soon we can be done with this but I don't want to cut her off before she's quite ready. Who knows, one more thing to figure out.

I guess I'll sign off now as the hours are quickly passing and I'd like to do some reading before bed. Not so sure this blogging thing is for me. At least not with any consistency. But thanks for reading...

Sarah

2007-11-08T20:21:00.001-08:00

Just a quick note as I'm dizzy in my chair from fatigue. But it's been a week since I've written, perhaps longer, I don't even know. We've had two day trips to Long Island to visit my grandmother, colds to contend with and Mom is visiting. Just a ton going on, as usual.

Caroline is doing great. Seems to be having a growth spurt and I can't keep up with what to feed her. Her little friend Ryan is eating home made parmasen chicken fingers (Jen, you're an A+ Mommy!) while Caroline is living off yogurt and snacks. This isn't completely from lack of trying. She was offered wild fish today and zucchini but prefered her cereal bar. Tonight she did gobble up some veggies and then enjoyed a bit of pizza. Whatever, tomorrow is another day.

Anyway, I have no energy right now, I must go to bed. There is no creative juice left to write. But I wanted to post something so I don't seem like I've given up this blogging thing before I've even really begun.

peace out, yo!

Target, Target

2007-11-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I broke down and went to Target today. Pathetic, I know. Pathetic too that I'm blogging about it, but it's a serious part of my life in motherhood. I only spent $15, on BABYFOOD! Food Caroline probably won't eat, but it offends me less than when I puree stuff myself and then she won't eat that. The worst is when even Moxie won't eat my homemade baby food.

Went for a nutrition consult for Caroline, was looking for answers on weaning and food and what she should be eating now and all that fun stuff. While they're very nice, they were less than helpful, and made me wait 1/2 an hour. I wasn't mad but disappointed. So, I came home and searched the web for answers. In between my reading I was wiping Caroline's nose that ran non-stop today. Poor thing, she looked miserable, but her spirits were good. She was more energetic than yesterday, in fact, her usual self, other than a super runny nose.

Given Caroline's health, we're not going out to East Hampton until tomorrow. I wanted to call it off but trying to explain it to my 93 year old Grandmother just didn't work, so we'll go, and purell the hell out of all of us. She said she didn't mind us being there with colds, "A cold wouldn't be so bad, it would distract me from all my other ailments". Gotta love her attitude! I"m actually looking forward to being at the beach in this cool fall weather. I think we'll meet up with my oldest friend too, who has returned to living out there. She and her family run a horse farm. Maybe I'll even get up on a horse, haven't done that in years!

Mom is coming for a week on Monday. Hooray! I was just starting to feel like things were getting out of control again, so this should be a great help. She can play with Caroline while I get stuff organized. My perpetual mission. (It will be wonderful to see her too ; )

I'm going to go use this naptime for some reading and list making. Lots to do before we leave in the morning.

Happy Weekend.

Sarah

With November comes colds

2007-11-01T17:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I officially have my first cold of the year. Blah! And sadly, now, Caroline has it too. Hopefully we'll all get better soon. We're supposed to head out to visit Meme (grandma) this weekend, but given our health, I am not sure what will happen.

Not much to report, spent my day moping around, and trying to figure out why my child was so fussy and not eating....duh! she had a sore throat like Mommy did yesterday. But after some children's tylenol, she gobbled up her sweet potatoes at dinner.

How am I doing on my Target ban...? I've thought of 4 things I'd like to get there since making this promise. I even tried to get Jamie to go for me tonight. Instead, I sent him off to Babies R Us to get a fancy temporal thermometer (he's doing a return for me too!) But I'm commited to stick to it. At least for a week ; )

Hope everyone stays healthy. It's no fun having a cold.

Sleep tight.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T11:04:00.000-07:00

Wow! I just managed to set up my blog acocunt-so cool. I'm a blogger now! It's scary that at 31 I am behind the times, in so many ways. But now, I've joined the ranks of younger, and older folks, who are way more hip and techonologically advanced than me.

Caroline is fast asleep in the car. Yes, I leave my child in the car when she falls asleep. It's the only way I can get things done, and thanks to Global Warming I should have several more weeks where I can do this. I've gone so far as to get a monitor for the garage so that I can hear her if she wakes up. See, I'm not a bad mommy.

We went to Jamie's office to show off Caroline's 2nd halloween costume >Last week she was a lady bug, today a ballerina. She had lots of fun running back and forth in the sales office, and eating Grandpa's pear. Her Aunt Mary even had some Halloween treats for her. What a lucky girl.

I got my treat at the Starbucks drive thru in Woodbridge on the way home. A light java chip frappuchino. I decided I'd have this instead of any Halloween candy today. And the sad part is that the limited caffeine from this drink had the same effect on me as a double espresso might have on others. So my fingers are stumbling over each other and my mind is working 3 times as fast. I guess I'm also on a high with "free time".

What's there to say right now...

Life is good. It scares me to say this, bad things usually happen when I say this, but I have to keep saying it because it's true and when bad things don't happen it changes my assumptions.

Mom is doing really well, she's gotten a very good report back from her post-treatment CT scan, and may not even need radiation. This is fantastic news! Thanks to all of you who've been thinking of her, praying and sending good thoughts.

Caroline is superb. Each day is better than the previous one. She is such a love. And funny too. I'm really having fun and feeling so grateful to be at home with her right now. (It only took me a year to stop feeling guilty!)

We're enjoying swimming lessons and a music/sign language class. Caroline enjoys both immensely. We now have a wonderful babysitter, Carrie, who comes and watches Caroline for a few hours twice a week, and this is giving me a much needed break. I've managed to tackle some projects that have been weighing heavily for quite some time. I have a few more to go, but I'm making progress. And boy does it feel good. I will admit I've spent too much of my "mommy time" running to Target to buy or return things. I think this might be a part time job for Mommies-the buying and returning of items at Target. Well, I'm quitting. With all of you as my witnesses, I am not going to set foot into a Target for the month of November....okay, there I go with my all or nothing thinking again, how about I won't set foot in Target for a week, and will not buy anything that might need to be returned. NO RETURNS! But the beauty of returns is that when the credit card bill comes, it looks like I've earned us money, rather than spent it. Although the debit section is always greater than the credit section. Oh well. I try ; ) Oh...I guess on my list of stores to refrain from shopping at, I better include Baby Gap. But it's so hard to resist. Have you seen their sales?! Clothes for less than $10, and then I get these coupons in the mail (mind you the coupons are rewards points for spending so much money on my Gap card, but who's counting?)

Okay, so maybe less shopping next month, and more writing and reading and exercise, if I can remember what that is. I do have a gym membership, but I've been hesitant to put Caroline in the daycare there, and it intimidates me. So instead I pay them monthly on the off chance I might get up the courage to go on my own. I did go last week. to a yoga class. it was pretty good except I wasn't in a peaceful serene place, instead I kept thinking about what it would be like to bring Caroline and put her in the daycare, and about how out of shape I am. Needless to say, I might need to work on quieting my mind a little....

Since my child is still sleeping (yes, in the car) I will go do something else productive...laundry!

I'll post some pictures of Caroline in her costume once I get them....promise!

Wishing you all a Happy Halloween!

A day of firsts

2007-10-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

Friday, October 26th, 2007

So, I’ve wanted to start a blog for some time but I keep getting hung up when they ask for a title, and then a url. Is this MY blog, or Caroline’s? I don’t know. But this will be a place for me to share my days, our adventures, the bumps and the bruises, the successes and failures, the obsessing thoughts, the dreams, the aspirations…there won’t be time for much editing, so spelling grammar and tense will be all out of whack but it’s a way to share with all of you…

Today’s been one of those days where all my values of motherhood have been thrown out the window and I’ve felt like a completely incompetent mother, over and over, and it’s only 2PM. Which is why I have chosen this time to start my blog on motherhood.

Today we set out to the Trumbull Mall to meet a friend and buy Jamie his birthday presents. It was not a plan made in advance, more of a spontaneous one. I can handle these now. I look at the time, try to calculate how long until Caroline will want lunch, and pack accordingly. I change her diaper, fill up the diaper bag: diaper, wipes, lunch, snacks, water for bottle, seltzer for mom, wallet. No cash, but they must have an ATM there. I momentarily wonder if I have enough for Caroline’s lunch, but decide I’ll be fine, she never eats much anyway…

We start out at Macy’s since I have a credit there. Turns out they’re having a great sale on kids clothes which I hadn’t known, but given we have time before Lisa arrives, I browse. I choose an outfit and a shirt, and head over to pay when I realize Caroline has dumped her water all over herself and the stroller. Not her fault, I didn’t put the valve in the sippy cup, thinking she didn’t need it any more. WRONG! So, the outfit I buy (which I intended to use a gift card for but couldn’t locate) will become the “back up outfit” as that’s one of the items that were left out of the diaper bag. We head to Lord and Taylor with their newly redone clean restroom where I change Caroline into her new outfit.

First rule broken: Never put child in new clothes before washing. But what am I going to do? So she’s probably coming in contact with all sorts of terrible trace chemicals, but I try not to think about it. Dry, we head out into the mall. Caroline seems antsy and it’s almost 11:30AM so I see if she’ll have some lunch. I open the jar I’d brought, a yummy organic sweet potato and chicken puree (Earth’s Best’s NOT mine – guilt guilt) she takes one bite, and waves her had at me politely to say, not thank you. No problem I think, she’s just not hungry yet. Well, we connect with Lisa and Julia (age 4) and Jack (age 2 months) and shop some more. I feed Caroline her organic cheese cracker snacks as she’s antsy and I guess hungry. We all head to the food court. I figure NOW Caroline will enjoy the yummy organic food I’ve brought for her, but I am wrong. Again, the polite wave to say, “No thank you Mommy”. I start to panic a little, but figure one of these places must sell yogurt. (I’m kicking myself for not bringing some as I thought about it on the way out the door, but she turned it down earlier today and I felt lazy, so I didn’t-BAD MOMMY!). I manage to stuff some cheerios and dried fruit into Caroline as she eyes Julia’s chicken nuggets from McDonalds. Julia and I both think Caroline wants them, and the chocolate milk, but I am not about to give her any! I always swore she’d never get McDonalds, at least not from me. It was to be a special treat with Daddy that Mommy won’t know about, when she’s older, say, 16.

I wait for Lisa to return with her food, as I tend to Julia, Caroline and momentarily Jack as he starts to squirm looking like he might wake up. Once Lisa is back, I go from station to station looking for yogurt, but none seem to have any on display. I even looked at McDonalds, but didn’t see any. I am too stressed out by the germs of a food court to buy anything for myself, and would prefer not to get anything for Caroline, but know she’s hungry. I settle on some steamed white rice and veggies, which Caroline spits out over and over. The elderly couple next to us finally looks at me and says, “I don’t think she likes her lunch” THANKS, I wasn’t sure.

Lisa remembers McDonalds does sell yogurt, so against my beliefs; I buy the yogurt (using change because I had no money, had to borrow money from Lisa for the first meal). I taste it first. Sure doesn’t taste like the organic plain yogurt we’re used to, more like custard..custard has egg in it, I better check with them. They assure me it’s yogurt, not custard and there’s no egg in it. This kid is starving and I’m the worlds most unprepared parent today so she gobbles up the yogurt, and a tiny bit of strawberry. I think, “Shit, I’ve never given her strawberries and they’re an allergen…at least I have the epipen if she’s allergic to them.” Luckily she seems okay. Soon enough, lunch is over.

We stroll around the mall a little and let Caroline walk with Julia and of course her hands go to every germy thing you can imagine. Ugh! Julia walks obligingly up to Lisa for her Purell, Caroline doesn’t know the difference but I chase her down, wipe her hands and throw her back in the stroller. Soon I realize the time and that she really needs to nap, but she’s still acting hungry. So, I go to make her a bottle, and the ½ pint Poland Springs water I brought doesn’t open. (We bought a case with several defunct bottles, been meaning to email Poland Springs about that but that will have to wait another day.) We start to have a meltdown and I turn to Lisa and say, “We gotta go”. Meanwhile, I have not bought ONE thing on the list for Jamie’s birthday, nor brought the return I had, but did manage to buy more clothes for Caroline.
Now I am home. My daughter is asleep in the car in unwashed clothes, never having gotten to drink her bottle since she dropped it as I was driving. It’s probably leaking onto the seat…oh, the smell of formula. The few bites of white rice and fruit from the mall are sitting in my stomach in a way I can’t describe but it feels as though I ate much more than I did. I should go now, and tend to my house, which is a disaster, and think about what nutritious meal I can provide for my child when she wakes.